Thursday, November 5, 2009

A Love / Hate Relationship With My Chart

Back in August I stated in a post that I was considering the idea of fertility charting, but that I really didn't want to because I was stubborn, because charting would mean that I was admitting I needed help... that I didn't know my own body.

On the first day of my last period I finally decided to do it.

I've mentioned this in many previous blog posts, but throughout our TTC "adventure" I have remained extremely positive. I don't even have to try *not* to be bitter as I don't associate my fertility with anyone else's. I know everyone is different, but I honestly don't see a point in getting upset because someone else was able to get pregnant. Why? Well, because (again) everyone is different. What does that person's fertility have to do with me and my body? Absolutely nothing.

I have to admit that ever since I got past CD14 there have been gray clouds slowly gathering on the horizon of my normally sunny disposition.

For most of my life, I have had extremely irregular periods. I would go 2, 3, sometimes up to 6 months with nothing. It was really hindering the TTC process.

Much to my surprise, I have been very steady since June and getting a period every 30 to 35 days. I was absolutely shocked the first few times.

I am now on CD24 of my first chart and there's no ovulation in sight and I'm starting to worry that the last 6 months of periods have been anovulatory. That's a very hefty thing for me to just guess at, but it's something that's definitely freaking me out.

I suppose, like many things in life, I will just have to be patient and wait to see what happens with my chart. I've only been charting for 25 days and it's already a love/hate relationship. I love the idea of knowing more about my body, but I *hate* sitting there and staring at it even though I know the cross hairs that signify ovulation aren't going to magically appear out of nowhere.
Heh, it's sort of like staring at a home pregnancy test.


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