Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I.Hate.My.Body.

Fertility Friend took away my crosshairs.

See?: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/29a70b

I really felt as though there was a good, clear thermal shift around the 12th when they told me I had ovulated, but apparently not.

I mean, I know our timing was horrible because we were travelling and everything so I knew I wouldn't have a chance in Hell (or Heaven) at being pregnant, but I was ecstatic that I actually ovulated.

Now my chart looks just as disgusting as it did last month.

And now I'm starting to see a pattern. It's not a logical pattern because this is only my second month charting, but it's enough of one in my mind to warrant a few tears. The same thing that happened last month is happening now, except this time, I was given a bit of hope and it was taken away from me.

This isn't logical, and I totally realize that, but I know I will get my period. Again, it's the same thing that happened last month. I was begging, pleading with my body and with God to NOT give me my period on time because I had obviously not ovulated, and who wants an annovulatory period? Not me. It's like getting an ice cream cone without the ice cream. What's the point of the fucking cone if you don't have any ice cream?!!

So, this will be my second annovulatory period in a row.

I'm not special, I know that. I'm no different than anyone else, I understand that. I don't deserve a baby more than the next poor woman who is having problems getting pregnant.

When we decided we wanted a baby, almost 14 months ago, I knew I might have some problems.

But never in a million fucking years did I think that I'd be where I am right now. Crying in front of a computer screen because some STUPID website that isn't inside of my body was telling me there was something abnormal about the way my body works. And that slight abnormality was preventing me from getting pregnant.

Hey, body... Image and video hosting by TinyPic

4 comments:

Jamee said...

I am so sorry sweetie. I will join you in flipping off your chart! If you ever need to vent, you know where to find me!

Anastasia said...

I am sorry Amber, this really stinks. Maybe they will come back in a few more temps? Maybe you are just O'ing late? The waiting game sucks! I am not in love with my chart either.

The 19th seemed to fall through as a nestie g2g, maybe we can get together and bring the hubbies along? I think we deserve/need it. Let me know.

Miss Dot said...

Bwahahahaha!! <-- That's only to the very last part, not to the rest of your post. To the rest of your post: Arg. Bummer. I'm sorry :(

Mommyof2girlz said...

Your chart looks good today, temp still high. If it helps here is my FF chart. Posted are the 2 BFP's I had, but trust me I had sooo many BFN charts. Chin up hun and good luck :)

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/cierasmommy