Monday, August 9, 2010

Suddenly I Am Not So Brave

Four hours and seven minutes before my first appointment and I have made a 360 degree turn around from being BEYOND excited to absolutely terrified.

I have no idea *why* I am so nervous. I've resigned myself to being uncomfortable so it's not the actual procedures that are scaring me.

I woke up five or six times last night absolutely drenched in sweat after having horrible nightmares about being on the exam table and the doctor maneuvering the ultrasound wand around and saying "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat... there's no heartbeat.... there's no heartbeat" and she just kept saying it over and over again until I shot out of bed like a friggin' cannon ball.

I should be happy, overjoyed, grateful, and everything I was last week before this nervousness gradually became all consuming.

I'm not going to continue on with this post because I'm getting on my own damn nerves and I'm not making myself feel any better. I just hope that 6:00 in the evening comes as quicly as possible. I want to be done with the doctor's appointment, I want to know that everything is 100% ok with Goji, and I want to be sitting comfortably in my living room knowing that, at the moment, there is nothing to worry about.

3 comments:

Krista said...

How far along are you sweetie? It will be okay. ::crosses my fingers for you and thinks happy thoughts::

cornflakegirl74 said...

I'm so sorry to hear you are so overwhelmed with nerves. Deep breaths, girl. I'm sure all will go well but I'm sending positive thinking and good vibes your way for a healthy heartbeat and healthy baby :) Let us know how it goes!

NINA said...

I hope everything goes beyond well and you can hear your baby's heartbeat. Please keep us informed and try not to get too nervous, that's never good.