I Wrote a Letter... To Myself

The homework project for this week was to write a letter to yourself.

I didn't want to be a negative _____ (fill in the blank: Nadia, Naomi, Nancy, Nick, Nicole, NUNO?) but this project was the one I looked forward to the least so far.

It's not that I didn't want to take the time to do it, it's just that my goals and what I'd like to accomplish seemed SO FAR OFF that I couldn't picture myself actually doing most of them by 2011.

About 10 minutes ago, it occured to me that I'm not going to get very far thinking like that, am I?

Nope, I'm not.

Sooooo, I've sucked it up and laid out all the things I'd love to have accomplished by 2011 in a nice letter to me :). Enjoy!

Dear Amber,
Hello, it's me(you)! I was going to ask you(me?) how things are going but I don't have to... I already know! Cue the Twilight Zone Music, it's freeeeeeaky!
I wanted to tell you(me) a few things that have happened in the last 365 days, but first I have to ask if I(you) will please stop putting yourself(myself) in parenthesis. It's super annoying.
Good?
Thanks!
First of all, somehow (it's a secret, I can't tell you!) you managed to pay off all $20,000 of your debt. Holy cow, right?! How awesome is that?! You received a promotion at your job and got a HUGE raise, plus your monthly bonus you used to get is back so now you have absolutely NO problems paying the mortgage. It really has been great, having all this financial freedom. And your husband? Yeah, he also got a promotion. Can we say beach vacation? Don't worry, there are plenty of those ahead for you both!
I have to tell you, that we look HOT in 2011! You lost so much weight. I know it was sort of slow in the beginning, but you just loved watching those pounds drop every week so you kept going with your weight loss. You managed a healthy meal plan every week and you exercised and totally ROCKED the Biggest Loser DVDs. I'm happy to announce that, not only have you reached that 30 pound loss, but you toned up and you just look absolutely fabulous! The best part about all of this weight loss is that you FEEL healthy. You don't worry about your health any more and that's such a huge weight off your shoulders, isn't it?
Let us not forget your goal of getting back into dancing. Remember how, in early 2010, you wanted to start dancing professionally again? Well, you did it! You're teaching AND performing to your heart's content and you make LOADS of extra money off of it. Hey, I know that the money isn't what's important to you (at least, not when it comes to dancing har har), but extra cash is NEVER something to scoff at :P. Did I mention that Unmata and The Indigo came to Charlotte and you got to meet Amy Sigil and Rachel Brice?! Holy crap, that was amazing! Your two dance idols all wrapped into one awesome performance. Sweet.
Now that your debts are paid off and you're making lots of money (and lookin' gooooood) there's plenty of time to relax and enjoy life. You and your devilishly handsome husband spend lots of time together doing all the things you love: going to concerts, visiting the beach and planning for your retirement in Hawaii.
Life is awesome... you should stop worrying about everything immediately and just know that all will be well in 2011.
Now go do some cardio!
Love ya!
~~*Amber*~~

Mind over Body... I'm Working On It.

As a little girl, I always LOVED reading my friends' journals and diaries. I never read them without permission, of course, but when they would say "Hey, I just wrote something in my diary and you should totally know about it!" I felt like I was gaining access to a special place that most people didn't have the opportunity to see. Reading people's journals is the equivalent of reading their minds *after* they have the initial thoughts. It's really quite fantastic.

I feel the same way about blogging. When I get to read people's blogs, I get insight into their minds, the way they think, the psychology behind their personalities.

One of the many things I love about having my own blog is I feel as though I can sit here and talk about absolutely anything under the sun, in any way I feel, and there is no pressure to conjure fake emotions for readers. I'm not getting paid for it (wouldn't that be great?!) and there's no deadline. It's like a free for all for my thoughts.

That being said, my blog has had some pretty obvious shifts lately. I feel a little as though I owe *some* explanation.

This started as a TTC blog where I could document what I thought would be a month or two of trying, 9 months of the PERFECT pregnancy with no problems or morning sickness what-so-ever (har har), the totally painless birth of our PERFECT child that would only put me in labor for the bare minimum time, and then the PERFECT life that would ensue afterwards. You know exactly what I'm talking about: the husband and I could still go out whenever we wanted to, still have awesome loud sex without worrying about traumatizing a child, go on vacations at the drop of a dime, still get to bed at a decent hour, still have our social life... still remain sane in the face of a screaming infant with a diaper full of something that smells like sewage and concentrated evil.

Things didn't work out that way.

A little over 15 months later, I am sitting here telling you that I have not yet had that perfect pregnancy. I haven't had any pregnancy at all.

I blogged about it for a long time... for my standards anyways. I'm somewhat scattered and to have an actual topic for more than a few months is pretty impressive.

I got to the point where I was so freaking stressed out about charting for ovulation, I would FREAK OUT if I had any spotting if I hadn't already ovulated, I was getting upset with my husband for trying to console me, I was sighing every ten minutes and feeling like crap about myself constantly. If I were to be completely honest, I would say that I was being a negative, miserable bitch.

I am a control freak, and getting pregnant is one of the many things in life that, no matter how many times I shake my fist towards the sky, I just can't control.

Mind over body has always been a thought-process that I believed in 100%. I still believe in it, but I know that I can't control certain things that go on inside my body. If I'm going to get sick, I'm going to get sick. If I'm going to get my period, I can't stop it from coming. You get my point. I believe that we have control over our minds and that AFFECTS our bodies. I don't believe that, through our minds, we can make ourselves fly and defy laws of science and other things in that genre.

To make this novel of an explanation into a short story, suffice it to say that I got very sick of myself. I actually disliked ME. That's a shitty feeling, by the way. Do you like yourself? If you don't, get some help. Not liking yourself is awful... because you can't just stop hanging out with you. And, if you can stop hanging out with yourself, then get some help... because you've probably got Dissociative Identity Disorder :P.

One morning, after sighing for the eighth time in an hour and feeling absolutely miserable because I felt fat and disgusting and looked like shit, I realized that I was slowly killing myself and that I was almost dead. Not physically... but the me that everyone knew and loved from years ago was laying on her death bed, ready to bite the bullet.

I wanted to get her back.

I started by Googling "Positive Thinking" and went on to read a few books. I learned about positive affirmations, I started a scrapbook of places that I wanted to see with my husband, I came up with a surified way to pay off our debt and stuck with it. I started changing myself. I'm STILL working on it, but I feel so much better.

Instead of focusing on the things that I CAN'T change, I began to do the opposite. I have been focusing on everything that I CAN change. My weight, my debt, my thoughts and the way I treat people... those are the things that I have power over in my life. And those are the things that I've been focusing on.

Do I still want a baby?

Hell yes.

Am I going to stress about it any more?

Hell no.

I'm sure that I will have TTC posts in the future, and I hope they are positive ones that make people smile for me and not cry for me.

In the meantime, the longer it takes me to get pregnant the more time I have to pay off debt, get in shape, get healthier, and have a healthier mindset.

One of the most exciting things that I am focusing on is my dancing career. I was well on my way to being a full time belly dancer (teaching and performing) when I moved up to North Carolina and got stretch marks... I would love to be dancing full time at this point next year.

I hope that gives some insight as to why I've been blogging solely about my weight loss journey for the last few weeks. I'm working on some new ideas for this blog that will make it a bit more interesting... but I just can't focus on what I can't control and what makes me feel miserable any more. At least not for a while, not until I get my emotions on a better frequency.

Wednesday Weigh-In!!

I mentioned in a previous weigh-in post that, throughout the course of my weight loss journey (about two years), I can't remember ever weighing less than 169.

Well, kids... I have been busting my ass all week for this weigh-in and I'm happy to announce that I'm back down from the weight I gained last week while my brother and his girlfriend were in town.

Here are my stats:
Starting weight: 174.4
7 week goal (I may change this to 8 week): 164.4

Last weigh-in: 170.0
Today's weigh-in: 167.4
Change: -2.6

Overall change: -7

Here's what I've been doing differently:
1) I NEVER skip meals. I will eat breakfast even if I'm not hungry. That way I don't binge at lunch.
2) For lunch I've been having slices of cucumber and raw broccoli florets. I'll dip the cucumber in tzatziki (Greek Yogurt) and the broccoli florets in this AWESOME Light Asian Toasted Sesame reduced fat dressing from KRAFT. It sounds boring, and it sort of is, but it is the most delicious boring I've eaten so far. :)
3) I've increased my work out. In the mornings I do an INTENSE bellydance session where I dance, non stop, from 8:00 until 9:00. In the evenings I do the Biggest Loser Cardio Max DVD with the BFF on Skype. I just got upgraded to the next workout level on that DVD, so it's a bit more intense.
4) Remember last week when I was starting to tolerate green tea? Well, now I LOVE it! Seriously, no sugar or anything added, just on its own I've managed to learn to love it :). If I've eaten recently, and I start to feel hungry, I chug down a warm glass of green tea and that cures my hunger for the time being.
5) I've also discovered Trader Joe's Organic Cranberry Green Tea which is absolutely DELICIOUS. Again, no sugar added. For a while I was adding whole milk to it, but that's a no-no and I've stopped. Whenever I crave something *sweet* I drink this and that usually helps.

I've only got three pounds left and then I've reached my goal! Wish me luck for next week! :)

Why I'm Totally Rad: An Online Report By Yours Truly

Every week on The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans we are given homework a project by the Gods and Goddesses of weight loss themselves :).

Last week was our inspiration/motivation board. Remember that post? It's the one where I bawl like a psycho and hate on myself?

No?

Click HERE to read it.

The project for this week is to list 5 reasons why we rock.

I think it's pretty obvious, with my mad shredding guitar capabilities, that I totally rock.

See?


What are you laughing at?! I know I was 19 and a total Goth, but I was so freaking cool back then. And look how cool and angry I was, rocking the Rogue X-Men Hair Streaks! Man, I freaking ruled.

Because I don't want to seem like I'm stating the obvious (that I rock, duh), I'm going to list five reasons why I'm RAD. I think one of those five reasons should be that I'm humble, but I don't want to waste one of my five on something so obvious.

You know I'm kidding, right? I hope so.

I thought long and hard about these, so it is with sincere hope that you all find me as rad as I do. Otherwise I'm just going to look like a complete jack ass.

Wait...

I think I've already accomplished that with this post.

Enough rambling!!

REASONS WHY I'M RAD:

1) It only took me two weeks to single handedly convince my brain that it craved green tea (which I TOTALLY hated) as opposed to Dr. Pepper (which I TOTALLY loved). I can now truly state that I actually *love* green tea. Seriously, check my purse, there are Green Tea Mints from Trader Joes in there.

2) I have belly danced professionally (wait, it gets better)...

with snakes...

near fire.

RAD

3) Ask me ANYTHING about orcas, dolphins, belly dance, guitars, serial killers, and French Sangreal conspiracies and I can almost guarantee that I'll be able to bore you to tears with extensive dictionary-like knowledge.

4) I finally feel alright about the hot chick staring at me on my motivational board because I realize that it's not who I used to be... it is who I am. The girl on that board is me... just a few years ago. I only need to tap into what I already know can be accomplished (a little weight loss and healthy lifestyle choices) and I can have her back physically AND mentally. I can't wait to see her/me again!

5) I'm smart.

It's true that I have a very bubbly personality and I think I come off as a ditz, A LOT. My areas of knowledge might not be considered important to most people. I have absolutely no concept of geography. I couldn't even begin to tell you where most of the 50 states are on a map, but when I become interested in something I make it a point to really research it. I could probably write a book on the 7 or 8 things that I'm fascinated by, and I enjoy knowing that they are not "normal" areas of expertise. I'm not smart like Bill Gates or smart like Stephen Hawkings. I prefer to think that I'm smart like Albert Einstein who, in an attempt to gain as much knowledge in his field as possible, refused to memorize basic information like his address or phone number because he didn't want to store things in his brain that he knew he could just look up. I don't clutter my brain with the knowledge of things I'll never use. I clutter it with the knowledge of things that I enjoy learning about.

That's why I'm rad. I love that I'm happy with myself. I was unhappy with myself for YEARS and that is a truly awful feeling.

Why are YOU happy with YOURSELF? Why do YOU rock? Please tell me in my comments or post your own "Why I rock / Why I'm rad" post so I can see :).

Wednesday Weigh-In!!

Ummmmm....

....

I'm just going to get right to the point and say it.

I ate like a FREAKING PIG for almost an entire week. My brother and his girlfriend flew in on Thursday and stayed with us until Tuesday. It was, quite possibly, the most fun EVER.

We got incredibly drunk on Saturday night... or was it Friday? I can't even remember! I will be posting pictures soon. To say they are funny is a gross understatement :P.

I got on the scale expecting to see that my weight had gone up. It did. I was expecting a number like 5 freaking million pounds 172 and I got 170. Not as bad as I thought it would be.

Here are my stats:
Starting weight: 174.4
7 week goal (I may change this to 8 week): 164.4

Last weigh-in: 168.2
Today's weigh-in: 170.0
Change: +1.8

Overall change: -4.4

I'll be good this week, I think promise!!

Wednesday Weigh-In!!

I can't believe it's already time for another Wednesday Weigh-In. It seems like it was just a few hours ago that I was all stoked to be writing about my first 3.4 pounds lost.

Aw, memories.

A few highlights from the last week:

1) I have finally gotten myself to tolerate enjoy warm, green tea.

About 4 weeks ago, I would have made a gross vomit face at you and acted as if you were asking me to pork some old fogey, had you put a glass of green tea in front of my face. I really wanted to incorporate this flavorless crap beneficial drink into my diet... not only because of it's not FDA approved weight loss benefits, but also because it supposedly not FDA approved increases the amount of fertile cervical mucous and, well... I want a freaking baby.

I started by making a pot of tea and putting it in the fridge in a pretty bodum (you know, I actually had to Google the word bodum because I was going to call it a vase :::::snort:::::). That, at least, made it appealing to my eyes. The other purpose in refridgerating it has to do with the fact that it can be 18 degrees outside, and as long as it's not my *morning coffee,* I do not enjoy drinking anything warm. I like *all* my drinks iced.

Without making this a novel about my gradual and slow moving love affair with tea, I'll just finish by saying that I actually enjoyed my first cup of WARM tea last night. And the fact that it's green tea doesn't even bother me anymore. :::::GASP:::::.

2) I ate an entire pizza last week. You hear me?! AN ENTIRE MEDIUM PIZZA (ok, minus ONE slice) ALL BY MYSELF... in one night. I usually allow myself a cheat here and there so I don't go on a binge, but eating an entire medium pizza by yourself is just absolutely delicious, filling, and the best thing I have done all freaking week ridiculous.

That being said, I made sure to do an extra workout here and there to balance myself out, and I still have not had any soda. I've lost track but I think it's been about 2 weeks. I'm starting to get to the point where I'm only missing it a little.

This morning, I expected to get on the scale and be at about 170.

I jumped up and down and sang a song about my boobs getting smaller while simultaneously shedding a few happy tears was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale this morning and found that I had lost another 2.8 pounds!

Here are my new stats:
Starting weight: 174.4
7 week goal (I may change this to 8 week): 164.4

Last weigh-in: 171
Today's weigh-in: 168.2
Change: -2.8

Overall change: -6.2

This is the FIRST time I have been under 169 since I began having weight issues :). Yippeeeee!!

One more thing before I go! Those 2 pictures of my hot body previous to gaining about 40 pounds that I stuck up on the inspiration board and glared at while crying hysterically like a psycho? They are actually starting to HELP me. I look at those every day and say "I WILL have that body again."

Sometimes it's not that easy to change your ways...

It's hard to change your views after being the same way and having the same thoughts for five+ years.

I think I've been doing pretty well.

I've found meaning and happiness in the aspects of my life that I used to completely ignore. I've become more secure, I feel more beautiful, I'm happier, my relationship is great, I'm in love, I'm having fun, the list of wonderful things is a mile long.

I'm very fortunate.

My quest for weight loss that started about two weeks ago was brought on by a visit to The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans.

They're doing a 7 week program and it's been great so far. I've lost 3.4 pounds in the last week and a half. That's great, right? Of course it is.

Every Monday they have homework a project that you're supposed to complete, and then you share your results/findings with the community.

This week's assignment was creating an "inspiration board." It's pretty simple, really. You just find pictures, magazine cut-outs, inspirational quotes, or whatever makes you feel inspired to keep working and and keep moving towards your goal.

I knew, the instant that I read this assignment, EXACTLY what pictures I wanted to put up on my board. I have two, taken by my ex boyfriend while I was on the beach in my old hometown (Ft. Lauderdale), when I was 19.

I've seen those pictures so many times over the last few years and they've only bothered me a little.

I never expected the reaction that I actually had when I stuck them up on the board.

I've already posted a current picture of myself (you can see me on the Sexy Cupcake Saturday post, or in the Holy Shit, I'm Fat post from a few weeks ago)... here are the pictures on my board (again, I am waiting on my new digital camera and for the moment have AWFUL camera quality):


I put those pictures on that board and I stared for a good 2 minutes at my tanned four pack and perky C cup boobs. Then I walked into the bathroom, lifted up my shirt and looked at the stretch marks on my pale, pasty stomach and my DD cup boobs (which, contrary to popular belief, is NOT a good thing) and I started BAWLING.

Actually, it's been about 10 minutes and I *just* STOPPED crying.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Pictures show you what mirrors can not. And pictures don't lie.

I used to look like that. I understand that I'm 26... and that I was 19 in those photos, but I DID at one point in my life look LIKE THAT.

What the fuck happened to my body?!

Is this what the inspiration board is supposed to do? Am I supposed to feel like I want to vomit when I see myself then compared to how I am now?

Maybe.

I suppose that's where the inspiration stems from (?). The fact that you are unhappy with your physical appearance?

I'm not sure... but I'll tell you one thing, I think I'm going to go running tomorrow.

Hm... maybe it does work.

The Secret to Happiness

My husband and I decided that we'd like to start a positive thinking scrapbook. We've been buying magazines to cut out pictures of things we want and things we'd like to obtain in life: a house in Hawaii or the Florida Keys, lots of money, nice possessions, pictures of the good life, and that sort of thing.

While rummaging through a lot of old pictures and some scrapbook supplies, I found a letter he had written to me about 8 months to a year after we started dating. I was having a rough time and being a typical insecure young lady and he was trying to make me feel better.

This letter is just one of the reasons why I know, without even a shred of doubt in my mind, that I am the happiest and luckiest woman alive today:

"Hello, my love. I was just thinking of you and thought I'd write you a little letter. I just want you to know that I love you and miss you. Also, that you are the most beautiful girl I know and there is nothing that you or anybody else can say or do to make me change my mind about that ever. I can't wait 'til we get married and spend the rest of our lives together. We can make little Amber and Russells and raise them ourselves and have them take care of us when we grow old. I love you so much there aren't even words for it. When I'm not around you, I'm nobody. Without you, my life is incomplete. So after saying that, I will tell you that I will never leave you, not ever. I'm nothing without you. If I didn't have you, I would die."

A certain degree of happiness can be obtained by getting the material things in life that you'd like.

You can have a scrapbook with all of the houses and jewelry in it that you could ever imagine. You can have a cave full of gold and jewels and a genie in a lamp who gives you your every wish.

But I honestly can't remember or can't imagine feeling any happier than I do right now, as I read this letter from my husband and believe that he's telling the truth.

Sexy Cupcake Saturday!!

*Note: Please excuse the absolutely horrific quality of my camera. It is blurry... very blurry. It's like looking at images through broken beer goggles. You know what I mean... when you have a few beers and things start to look *ok* but they're not totally hot, only sort of hot. So you *think* maybe if you have another beer they'll be even hotter, so you drink another one, and then you're sorely disappointed because, no, things are not only *not* hotter, they're even more blurry. Got it?
I'm getting a new camera some time next week, so hopefully my pictures will be better soon.

Who has two thumbs, wants to lose weight, and has an uhealthy obsession with cupcakes?
THIS GAL!!


I'm on a mission to lose some weight, and so are a lot of you.

It's *really* hard to do that when you're making delicious cupcakes with lots of fat and sugar. Last week, due to some unforseen circumstances, I was unable to post Sexy Cupcake Saturday and I... didn't... eat... a cupcake :::::GASP:::::.
This week, I wanted to eat a cupcake. I wanted to eat a cupcake SO BADLY.

A thought finally occured to me. "Why am I torturing myself?!" I looked in my kitchen and realized that I had 3 bananas and a bag of coconut I had to use pretty soon or they were going to go bad (I HATE wasting food, so I was determined to do *something*). Bananas are good for you, and the bag of coconut was unsweetened and specifically labeled as "coconut for baking," and that word (baking) is pretty much all my brain needs to register before that little voice in my head starts screaming "CUPCAKE!!!!!"

I did some research online and found a way to make vegan coconut cupcakes w/ vegan banana frosting.

Now, I normally hate the assumption that just because something is vegan it's healthier. Not true, people. All it means is that there are no animal products. You can have a cupcake with no animal products and enough sugar to kill a large rhino.

These babies have *a lot* less sugar (and most of it is brown sugar, SCORE) than your normal cupcake.

To my surprise, they actually came out REALLY GOOD. Maybe that's because I've been somewhat depriving myself of copious amounts of sugar, but I'd like to give myself *a little* credit for possibly doing something right in the kitchen.

I will say, they are not incredibly sexy, but sexiness is really in the eyes of the cupcake holder and these babies look sexy to ME because they are a lot healthier than a normal cupcake. I'm pretty sure that healthy + cupcake = TOTALLY sexy.

You can find the banana frosting recipe HERE.

Here is the recipe for the coconut cupcakes:
1 1/2 c ap flour
1 c white sugar
1/2 c flaked coconut
1 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
1 cup coconut milk
1/3 c canola oil
1 t vanilla extract
1 t white vinegar

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, coconut, baking soda, and salt. Add in the rest of the ingredients, adding the vinegar last. Stir until well combined.

2. Pour into cupcake liners and bake 30 minutes or until centers come clean. Remove from oven and allow to cool.

3. Frost with your favorite vegan buttercream frosting. Decorate with freshly toasted coconut.

Here are my Sexy (Vegan) Cupcakes!!



I hope you all have a great weekend!

Sssssh!

I'm making healthy cupcakes for Sexy Cupcake Saturday... :::::whispers::::: just sayin'.

Tune in tomorrow to check it out.

Two is better than one, HUZZAH!!

That's right, I said "Huzzah."

Perhaps you think that is stupid.

I would strongly suggest not hanging around for a gmail IM or a telephone conversation in my house as "huzzah" is thrown around as much as "dude, awesome, shiz, rad," and the ever popular (and my own personal favorite) "pooface."

I'd like to give a huge, fluffy, *sweet* thank you to my blog-buddy, Miss Dot, over at Saving the World One Cupcake at a Time.

First of all, how the hell does she make cookies and cupcakes all day and stay so damn skinny?

Lucky! :P

Thanks, Miss Dot, for not only having some of the coolest cupcakes in the world (and a great sense of humor... oh, and for being ridiculously adorable), but also for bestowing upon me the Lemonade Stand AND the Happy 101 Blog Awards!

I'm pretty sure this is common knowledge, but in a lot of instances two is better than one.

Maybe not when you're talking about chins, or elongated nose hairs, or evil cats. But two is definitely better than one when you're talking about most cool things like cupcakes, diamonds, dollars, boobs, eyebrows... and awards, for sure.

For the Happy 101 Blog Award, I am going to list 10 things that make me happy:

1. SEX (and yes, I fully plan on doing this tonight... see rule #2)
2. My husband (and yes, I fully plan on doing him tonight... see rule #2)
3. My best friend and our Skype shenanigans!
4. Cupcakes... especially fluffy ones with pretty frosting. Pink and blue ones. Yum! :)
5. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$. I like the monies!! Is it bad that money makes me so happy? I doubt it.
6. Learning that my friends are pregnant. You hear that friends?! Have BABIES so I can live vicariously through you!!
7. Starbucks Venti Chai Tea Latte with an extra shot of chai.
8. My family... my brother is getting his ass over here (finally!) in 2 weeks and I'm so excited I can barely contain myself. I'm very lucky to be blessed with what I believe is the most awesome family ever.
9. Everything about the beach. I love the sound of the ocean, the feeling of sand, the smell of the water... even that gross smell when there's a dead fish somewhere around.
10. Pina coladas, cosmopolitans, cupcake martinis, and white Russians :::::hiccup:::::

I'd like to pass these awards on to 10 bloggers who really brighten my day and who I feel have a great attitude:

1) Drea, If Only She'd Shut Up!
2) Jamee, A New Kind of Normal
3) Autism's Bitch
4) Rubber Baby Buckin Bumpers
5) Fat Mom Blog
6) The fact that she can remain nice w/ such awful morning sickness should be a beacon of hope to all :P: Munckie Madness
7) Frugal Poontater
8) JULA!, (that's right, I said it JUST LIKE Adam Sandler :P), She Felt a Drop of Rain
9) Diana(because, let's face it, who DOESN'T love her blog?!), Diana Rambles
10) Let's Have a Cocktail


Happy 101 Award:
1) List 10 things that make me happy (got it!)
2) Try to do at least one of them today (got it!)
3) Tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day (got it!)
4) For those 10 bloggers who get the award, you then link back to my blog and create your own "makes you happy" list (if you want, no pressure)

Lemonade Stand Award:
- Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post (done!)
- Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude (done!)
- Link the nominees within your post (done!)
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog (done!)
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award (done!)

Wednesday Weigh-In!!

This has been an amazing week, a really REALLY amazing week. I finally figured out the secret to thinking positively and I'm running with it. There are times, of course, when I feel a little negativity slithering into my mind. You don't think a certain way for more than 5 years and then get rid of that thought process over-night. I'm also not a walking zombie farting rainbows and sunshine everywhere I go. I understand that bad things happen, and I can deal with them. But I'm finally learning to love and appreciate just how very lucky I am.

I will say that I feel better *right now* (and pretty consistently since Monday) than I have in a very long time.

I'm also happy to announce that I have lost THREE POUNDS since last Wednesday's Weigh-In.
Here are my new stats:
Starting weight: 174.4
7 week goal (I may change this to 8 week): 164.4

Last weigh-in: 174.4
Today's weigh-in: 171
Change: -3.4

Overall change: -3.4

I'm also very proud of myself for not having any soda (save a sip or two here and there from my husband's glass during dinner) in one whole week! I've cut out 99.9% of my soda intake and replaced it with green tea, which I'm gradually starting to seriously enjoy. I've also started eating breakfast every morning. I've done the Biggest Loser Cardio Max workout with my best friend twice in the last week and I've done yoga every other night. By the way, if you have a friend to work out with, it is so much nicer than doing it on your own. My best friend lives across the country, but we actually get on Skype and work out together (using the same DVD) on the webcam! How awesome is that?!

Visiting the Lost & Found: In Search of my Inner Botticelli

It is 11:51 p.m. on January 2nd and I am just now writing my New Years post.

I am always late, just ask my mother... and my father. Actually, you could probably ask just about anyone who knows me.

For the last 48 hours, I have been amazed by some of the resolutions and beautiful thoughts that my friends have shared on their blogs. I've laughed, I've cried, I've cringed and I've snorted with amusement. And yet, I feel the slightest bit of remorse at having waited this long to post about my own thoughts and resolutions.

I've never been one to make resolutions. If I were to be totally honest, I would say that I normally scoff at the idea. However, at this exact moment, sitting at my computer and nursing my homemade cosmopolitan, not only do I feel like I want to make a few changes in my life, I think that I need to.

I would love to sit here and regal you all with the most interesting of tales... to make you weep at my loss and rejoice in my success, but 2009 really didn't mean much of anything to me. There were certainly ups and I know there were downs, but there were no monumental realizations, no epiphanies or repressed memories uncovered. That makes me feel... well... sort of boring.

I know what I want for 2010. I suppose they could be called "resolutions," but in an effort to actually stick with them for more than 4 weeks, I'd like to simply refer to them as "thought-sparks." Look at me, making up words again. Oh happy day, I've even made a list.

My Thought-Sparks for 2010:
1. I'd like to focus more on becoming financially stable. I'm not exactly sure whether that means getting a raise, finding some miraculous way to pay off our debts, or finding a job that pays me what I feel I deserve.
2. I'd like to be more patient. I feel that I will occasionally lash out at others without knowing the full story.
3. I'd like to have a more positive outlook on life. I used to view myself as neither an optimist nor pessimist, but a realist. My motto was "the glass is both half empty AND half full, but you should probably drink it before someone else does." I'm not so sure if that's my current state of mind, but I'd like to be grateful that I even HAVE a glass to begin with.
4. I'd like to stop being so stressed out. Over the last few years, I've noticed a decreased capacity for handling even the slightest amount of stress. I'd really love to change that. Feeling stress throughout 90% of your day can't be very healthy.
5. I'd like to be more healthy. That means mentally *and* physically. I'd love to drop 20 pounds, but I'd also love to believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful. It's been a long time since I've felt really pretty and I think that a healthy lifestyle requires a certain amount of positive self esteem.
6. I'd like to be more trusting. I suppose that this thought-spark is in direct reflection of #5.
7. Last, but certainly not least, I'd love to just get back to the old me. I understand that everyone changes, and I'm no exception to the rule. But there was a time in my life, not so long ago, that I was a completely different person. I wasn't annoyed by small and insignificant things. I wasn't completely derailed when there was a bump in my proverbial train tracks. And, most of all, I wasn't terrified of every little obstacle that got in my way.

I used to be a freaking bulldozer.

If there was an issue, I'd tackle it like a professional UFC fighter. If there was a rock in my path, I'd just kick it to the side. I didn't sit there and wonder WHY I had a rock in my path, I just picked the rock up and threw it, and then went on my merry little way. I didn't dwell over my own circumstances, knowing full well that others were dealt blows far worse than my own, I just took what I was given and made the best of it.

I'm not sure where that mental Amazonian went, and how buried in the recesses of my psyche she is, but I'd love to get her back.

I'd love to stop being terrified of everything that I can't control and the things that I don't understand.

Somewhere along the lines I lost my inner Botticelli-babe. In 2010, I hope to get her back.

Happy New Year. I hope your 2010 is filled with love, beauty and peace of mind.